Tom Groelsema | Reconciling Grace

Sunday Morning, July 19, 2026

Given by Tom Groelsema | Executive Pastor, Christ Covenant Church

Reconciling Grace
Philemon

Watch on YouTube

Download our mobile app

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

Let's pray together as we prepare to open God's Word. 

Heavenly Father, we are dependent upon the work of your Holy Spirit to be able to hear with our hearts, to be able to respond with our lives. We are grateful, so deeply grateful, for your Word – your holy, inspired, infallible Word. And yet, Lord, our hearts are often hard, and the seed of the Word of God falls upon our hearts and sometimes just bounces off them. Sometimes lodges for just a little bit and then is quickly snatched away. O God, we pray that you might make, even in this moment, our hearts tender so that as we hear, Lord, we'll listen carefully, we will respond obediently, all to the glory of your name. And we pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen. 

Let's turn this morning to the book of Philemon. Remember that this is part of our one-chapter book series. So, books of the Bible that have only one chapter in them. The book of Philemon, tucked and nestled between Titus and Hebrews. So, you might be finding that these books that we're looking at aren't the easiest to find always, but they have an important message for us. So, let's read together from this book and pay careful attention to the reading of God's holy Word. 

“Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus, and Timothy, our brother, to Philemon, our beloved fellow worker, and Apphia our sister and Archippus our fellow soldier and the church in your house. Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, because I hear of your love and of the faith that you have toward the Lord Jesus and for all the saints, and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ. For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you. Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required, yet for love's sake I prefer to appeal to you – I, Paul, an old man, and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus – I appeal to you for my child, Onesimus, whose father I became in my imprisonment. (Formerly he was useless to you, but now he is indeed useful to you and to me.) I am sending him back to you, sending my very heart. I would have been glad to keep him with me, in order that he might serve me on your behalf during my imprisonment for the gospel, but I preferred to do nothing without your consent in order that your goodness might not be by compulsion, but of your own accord. For this perhaps is why he was parted from you for a while, that you might have him back forever, no longer as a slave but more than a slave, as a beloved brother – especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord. So if you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me. If he has wronged you at all or owes you anything, charge that to my account. I, Paul, write this with my own hand: I will repay it – to say nothing of your owing me even your own self. Yes, brother, I want some benefit from you in the Lord. Refresh my heart in Christ. Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I say. At the same time, prepare a guest room for me, for I'm hoping that through your prayers I will be graciously given to you. Epaphras, my fellow prisoner in Christ Jesus, sends greetings to you, and so do Mark, Aristarchus, Demas, and Luke, my fellow workers. The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.”

I encourage you to keep your Bibles open as we make our way through this book and look at various verses in it. As I mentioned, people of God, we are returning to our one-chapter books of the Bible series – these books of the Bible that are easily overlooked, hard to find in our Bibles, sometimes obscure books that we are not too familiar with, small books, and yet books that are inspired by God and therefore have a God-ordained important message for us. We began a couple of weeks ago with Obadiah, just 21 verses. Philemon, a little longer at 25 verses. And yet one author describes Philemon this way: it is a mini epistle, right? Compare it to Galatians or Ephesians or Philippians or, you know, Titus, 1 and 2 Timothy. It is a mini book. Obadiah was a prophecy. Philemon is a personal letter. Obadiah, a high-level book. It's about the nations, about Edom, Israel, their relationship, and the sovereignty, justice, and promise of God in regards to them. Philemon is not about nations. It's about two individual Christians and how God's grace is to be operative in the relationships between believers. 

The title of the sermon today is “Reconciling Grace” because Philemon is about how the gospel and the grace of God helps us in sticky, strained relationships that we sometimes find ourselves in with other believers. It happens, doesn't it? Even in the church, we're not always getting along, and what do we do when those relationships – our relationships with other Christians – are pulled and tugged apart? Well, the book of Philemon helps us give an answer to that, and the way that we're going to look at this book this morning is in two ways. First of all, we'll look at four characteristics in this letter or of this letter. Four characteristics of this letter and then four appeals in this letter. So, four characteristics and four appeals. 

First of all, the characteristics. Number one, this is a personal letter. A personal letter. Many New Testament books, as you know, are written to churches. So, we have Galatians. We have Ephesians. We have Thessalonians. Letters that were written to congregations, the gathered people of God. Sometimes we have letters in the New Testament that were written to individuals who were church leaders, so we have the letter to Titus or to Timothy – 1 and 2 Timothy. But these were letters who were written to leaders within the church. Paul is writing them, coaching them on how they're to go about leading the people of God. In Philemon, we have a personal letter written to an individual church member. You can see it in verse 1: “Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus, and Timothy, our brother, to Philemon, our beloved fellow worker.” Philemon was an influential member in the church of Colossae, but he was not a member who stood behind the pulpit, so not a pastor but a member who sat in the pew, just another member of the church. And then you can see Paul is also writing to Apphia – our sister, he says, verse 2. Many think that Apphia was Philemon’s wife. He's writing to Archippus, our fellow soldier, maybe Philemon’s son. And then a little bit bigger, at large, the church that meets in your house. And then he's writing – we can't miss this – he's writing about this man named Onesimus, who was a servant and slave of Philemon. So, this was a personal letter. 

It is also an emotional and warm letter. I don't know if you noticed this as we read through it this morning, but this is a letter that drips with affection. In other words, Paul is not writing in a stoic manner. He's not writing to somebody who is kind of a far-off acquaintance, doesn't really know them very well. But when he writes to Philemon, he writes this with brotherly love. This is a letter from one Christian brother to another Christian brother about a third Christian brother. It is not a letter that is about doctrinal controversy but a letter about relationships within the body of Christ. And you see the examples – a number of examples regarding Paul's affection for Philemon and also for Onesimus. Verse 1, to Philemon, “our beloved fellow worker.” Or verse 4, he says to Philemon, “I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers.” Or verse 7, “I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother.” And he calls him the same thing in verse 20: “Yes, brother, I want some benefit from you in the Lord.” And the same goes with Onesimus. In verse 10, he calls him “my child.” Verse 12, “my very heart.” And then verse 16, a “beloved brother.” So, this was a warm, emotional letter. 

Third is a pointed letter, because this letter deals with a specific issue in the church. And this is the issue: Onesimus had been a slave of Philemon, and it seems that Onesimus had stolen some property from him. Paul writes about this in verse 18. He says, “Philemon, if he has wronged you at all or owes you anything.” He had taken something apparently from his master Philemon. And Onesimus had escaped, and he made his way to Rome, probably to melt in the city, to get lost, start a new life. But in the providence of God, he had met up with the Apostle Paul while he was in Rome. Paul was a prisoner there. He writes about that – you see in verse 1, “a prisoner for Christ Jesus.” This is his imprisonment that happens at the end of the book of Romans. He's under house arrest. He is able to preach, have visitors, and at some point along the way, Onesimus was one of those guests. He visited Paul. He heard Paul preach the gospel. He was converted, became a believer, and ministered to Paul, and that's why Paul calls him “my son.” Paul says he became a father to him in his imprisonment, so not a biological relationship but a faith relationship. He was converted under the ministry of Paul. He became a son in the faith, and Onesimus was willing, and Paul was ready now, to send Onesimus back to Philemon. And Paul writes this letter, and he says to Philemon, "Would you forgive him? Would you receive him back? Would you take him back? I know he's taken things from you. I know he has run away from you, but would you receive him back?" You can actually see this main appeal in verse 17. Paul says, "If you consider me your partner, receive him as you would receive me.” 

Well, one more thing about this letter. It is a contemporary, relevant letter. We just looked a bit at the message of this letter – how the grace of God can reconcile us to each other. Paul urges Philemon and Onesimus to be reconciled, and he appealed to the gospel for that. We can ask a question this morning, “Okay, I get what this has to do with Philemon and Onesimus, but it's been written so long ago. What is the message of this book for us?” Well, let me quote from one commentator. He says, "For us, it will almost certainly not be a question of what we should do with a runaway slave." Now, we get that, right? That's not us. But it could also possibly be what should we do with a spouse who has cheated on us? A neighbor who has slandered us? A business partner who has deceived us? How a person who is not a Christian might react is one thing, as they try to save face before a watching world, but how a Christian reacts is bound to be different, because they are being watched not just by those around them in the world, but by God as he watches us from heaven. And so, think about some other kind of strained relationship that you have had. It could be your spouse, could be a friend in the church, could be somebody that lives next door to you, but somebody else who is a Christian and sin has pulled you apart in some way or another. That's where the book of Philemon meets us. 

And so, we have these four characteristics, but secondly, we have these four appeals that help us learn how to apply the grace of God in one of those strained ways. Four appeals. Here's number one. There is an appeal here to gospel joy – an appeal to gospel joy. Verse 7, here's what Paul writes to Philemon, "I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you." In other words, Paul says, "When I think about you, Philemon, I am filled with joy, and I am filled with comfort, and that joy comes from seeing God at work in your life.” Already mentioned how Philemon had come to faith – came to faith through Paul's ministry, and so, Paul when he was thinking – or Onesimus had had come to faith through Paul – when Paul's thinking about Philemon, he thinks about him more than just as an acquaintance. He saw him as a ministry partner. He saw him as a brother in the faith. In fact, Paul had not only led Onesimus to faith in Christ – he had also been influential in leading Philemon to faith. Verse 19, he says, "You owe me even your own self." But now Paul says, "I not only have been influential in bringing you to Christ or helping you to come to faith in Christ – Paul says, I also see God continuing to work in you." And so, he says in verses 4 and 5, "I thank God when I hear about your love for all the saints and your faith in the Lord.” Verse 7, “the hearts of the saints, they have been refreshed through you.” Paul says I see God operating in your life as you minister among God's people, and that brings me great joy. I wonder if we take that second example where he's talking there about Philemon refreshing the saints – I was thinking to myself, who in our congregation refreshes others like that? Think about what happens before the worship service when we're all chitchatting and kind of catching up on the week that's just gone by, greeting each other, welcoming each other, saying hello, and just observe sometime as you see somebody make their way through the congregation, who is it that refreshes other people? They pass through the sanctuary, and people's oxygen tanks are filled. They speak to somebody, and a burden is lifted. Discouragement diminished, hope revived, a good deed recognized. That is the kind of man that Philemon was. And it brought great joy to Paul. They shared life in Christ together. Verse 6 says that. We often think about this verse as an evangelistic verse. Paul says, "I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective." The word “sharing” there is actually the word koinonia, which means I think Paul is not talking about, you know, “I'm praying that the sharing of your faith” like you go out and do evangelism would be effective, but the sharing that we have together in the faith – this bond that we have together in the Lord – would help you to grow into a full knowledge of every good thing that is in us through Christ. 

Friends, how can we work through the messes that sometime exist between us and other Christians? I think the answer is to see others as they really are. Thinking about a brother and sister in the Lord, and there's distance. Are they your enemy? Are they your adversary? Or are they your brother and sister in Christ, fellow saints that God is at work in? Mike Emlet's written a good little book called Saints, Sufferers, and Sinners. It's meant to help us think about other people that we're ministering to. Are they saints? Are they sufferers? Are they sinners? Yes. Right? We're this mix of all three. Sometimes the problems we have in our life is because we are a sufferer. We are afflicted by something. Sometimes the problems we have in our life come because we are sinners. There's something that – some way that we've been acting or living that brings the problems into our life. But Emlet says, hey, don't ever forget in the midst of all of that that your brothers and sisters in Christ are also saints. And he says, here's how it can help: it can help you be zealous to find evidences of grace in other people's lives. It will help you observe ways in which they are already living true to an identity in Christ and will help you highlight them. They'll help you see the good in others. Do you go around looking for that? “Hey, I see God at work in your life. I'm encouraged, because I know the Holy Spirit is working and changing you.” And you see, when we have that perspective about other saints, that helps to open the door a bit for us to be reconciled. 

A second appeal: an appeal to gospel love. First one to gospel joy, this one to gospel love. I want you to notice how Paul handles Philemon here – verses 8 and 9 – when he's making his appeal about Onesimus coming back. Look at verses 8 and 9. He says, "Accordingly, though I am bold enough in Christ to command you to do what is required (I could tell you what to do, Philemon), yet for love's sake, I prefer to appeal to you – I, Paul, an old man, and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus.” Paul says, I have every right to come on hard, to say to you, Philemon, this is what you must do. Take Onesimus back. But he says, I would rather appeal to you. He tries to win him over, and he does this, he says (verse 9), for love's sake. He does it out of love for Philemon. He’s coaxing him instead of commanding him. He does it because of Philemon's love for Paul. I think that's why Paul describes himself here the way he does. He interjects and says, "I, Paul, an old man and now a prisoner also for Christ Jesus.” I'm an old man. Hey, remember respect for your elders is what Paul is saying. And I'm also a prisoner for Christ Jesus. In other words, I too, Philemon, have sacrificed. I am not asking you to walk in any other way than I myself have walked and served the Lord. And I think, no doubt, this is also an appeal to Philemon’s love for the Lord. But notice how he goes about it. I could command you. I prefer to appeal to you. He's trying to win over Philemon’s heart, isn't he? Charles Spurgeon in his book Lectures To My Students – so, this is Spurgeon writing to students who are preparing for the ministry – has this wise advice. He says, "More flies are caught by a jar of honey than by a jar of vinegar." Now, that's a great seminary lesson, right? Go to seminary for that? Yep. More flies are caught by a jar of honey than a jar of vinegar. It's a good lesson for pastors. Pastors need to learn that, as well as elders, deacons, Bible study leaders, small group leaders, and so on. There is a time perhaps to pull rank, but most often the way to get people to respond is through relationship and love. Love paves the way for the hard words and calls to duty. There's a word for our personal relationships here, too. I was thinking about what Peter says to wives – 1 Peter 3:1 says to wives who have a husband who does not obey the Word. He says to them, "Be subject that they may be won over without a word, but by the conduct of your lives." You could say a word, he's saying to those wives. You could say a word. You could tell your husband what to do, or you could hold the words and make an appeal through the conduct of your lives. Paul is teaching us something here about how to go about approaching reconciliation with someone else. Is there a way to appeal to the heart before giving a command of the words? To appeal – I'm appealing to you – come, let's be joined together again. 

Third, an appeal to gospel transformation. This is where Paul finally gets to his direct appeal to Philemon – there in verse 17 again – “if you consider me your partner, receive Onesimus as you would receive me.” Onesimus had become a Christian. We don't really know how that went down. Don't have any background in that. Maybe something like this: “Onesimus, I know you're running, running away from Philemon, but you know, Onesimus, no matter how far you might run away from Philemon, you know you can never run away from God. He's pursuing you. He loves you. Onesimus, you can be forgiven for what you've done. If you confess your sin and turn to Christ, you'll be forgiven. You'll be cleansed. You'll be reconciled to God. Your past will be the past. You can become a new creature in Christ.” I don't know if that's how the conversation went. Maybe. What we do know is that Onesimus's life was radically changed, and Paul reflects upon that (verse 11). He says, “Formerly, Philemon, Onesimus was useless to you, but now he is both useful to you and to me.” What's interesting here is that Paul is making a pun. Paul is almost trying to get Philemon to chuckle a little bit, because Onesimus’s name means useful, profitable. You know, Onesimus, the one who's supposed to be useful – he was useless to you, but now he indeed is fulfilling his name. He has become useful to you and to me. He was useless because he ran away. Think about the investment that Philemon had made. I don't know what it cost Philemon to have Onesimus be a slave, but whatever investment Philemon had made in the slave, it was gone, right? Onesimus took off. He wasn't there anymore. But Paul says, "What a transfer! What a radical change has come about in Onesimus’s life as he has come to Christ. That makes him now useful to both of us." How would he have been useful to Paul? Well, there he is while Paul is in prison ministering to him, caring for his needs. And Paul says to Philemon, he could be useful to you again, but no longer as a slave – more than a slave, as a beloved brother. What Paul is saying, I want you to have different eyes, Philemon, for Onesimus. I'm sending him back to you. Receive him back. Yes, as a slave, but recognize more than that, he is also your brother now in the Lord. Paul recognized something that he needed to bring to bear in Philemon's mind, and that is God was at work. God was at work, of course, in Onesimus coming to Christ, putting his faith and trust in Christ – that's God's doing of course – but Paul is also saying to Philemon, God is at work even in his escape from you. I want you to see that, verse 15 – it says, “Philemon this perhaps is why he was parted for from you for a while, that you might have him back forever, no longer as a slave but more than a slave, as a beloved brother.” This is why he was parted from you for a while. He's saying to Philemon, do you recognize God has been at work in this? The escape from Philemon I know is hard, but Philemon that escape was the means by which God brought Onesimus to himself and by which you now can take him back, no longer as a slave, more than that as a brother. 

Friends, do you recognize – I have a sticker that sits on my desk. Want to remind myself of it a lot. But do you recognize this? This little sticker says this: moments of hardship are opportunities for redemption. Moments of hardship are opportunities for redemption. I have to keep reminding myself of that when I'm having a hard day. I get a bad email, perhaps, or conflict with somebody, or there's a tough situation I’ve got to work through. I keep reminding myself these moments of hardship are opportunities for redemption. In other words, they are opportunities for the Lord to be at work. Change my heart, change somebody else's heart, bring reconciliation, whatever it may be. The hardest, most painful things are often the biggest opportunities for us to see God at work. And that's what Paul was saying to Philemon. I know it was hard for you when he ran away. But maybe this is why he was parted from you for a while, so that when you take him back, no longer as a slave, but more than a slave, as a beloved brother. You see what Paul's doing? He's appealing to Philemon this way. Philemon, you are a believer. Onesimus is a believer. The slave Onesimus – he is now a free man in Christ. The free man – you, Philemon – are a slave to Christ. Both of you have been reconciled to God, and so the way of relating to each other cannot be worldly, but must be grace and gospel-filled. 

Finally, there is an appeal to the Christ of the gospel. An appeal to the Christ of the gospel. Where do we see Jesus here? Well, we might see him in a number of different places. Paul refers to our joy in Christ and being a prisoner for Christ. But I want you to see it in Paul's willingness to bear the cost of reconciliation between Philemon and Onesimus in verses 17 and 18. Look at these two verses: “If you consider me your partner, Philemon, then receive Onesimus as you would receive me, and if he has wronged you at all or owes you anything, then charge that to my account.” Paul says two things here. He says, "Welcome Onesimus as if you were welcoming me.” The way he says it is, let him be as me to you. So, welcome him like I was there. Welcome him as if he were me. And then the second thing he says is charge to me any wrongdoing he has done, or let me be as him to you. Let me be as him to you. In other words, a very simple way of thinking about this – it goes like this. Philemon, treat Onimus as if he were innocent, and treat me as if I were guilty. Treat Onesimus as if he were innocent, and treat me as if I were guilty. Charge what he's done to my account. People of God, isn't that the gospel? Lord, would you treat me as if I were innocent? How could that happen? All because you treated Christ as if you were guilty. It's been charged to his account, hasn't it? We stand counted righteous before God by faith in Christ. We are not righteous, but we are counted as righteous, because the righteousness of Christ is given to us, and all of that the case because Jesus took our sins on him. This great exchange, this great reversal that Paul speaks to Philemon about – welcome Onesimus as if you were innocent, consider me as if I were guilty – is exactly what Jesus has done for us. 

People of God, this is what holds the greatest power for us to be reconciled to others. When you are separated, when that relationship is broken or hurting or strained or sticky or messy, and you know things aren't right, think about your relationship with God and how things were not right with him. And he gave you his Son, and he took your penalty, and he took the charges so that you could be welcomed. It's the power of the cross, isn't it? The power of the cross that has changed our relationship with God and the power of the cross that has the power to change our relationships with others. Four characteristics, four appeals that we might experience and apply reconciling grace. Who is it that perhaps you need to reconcile with? Is there someone here today that you say, “Lord, things aren't right. Put things back together again by your power, your Word, your Spirit.” Let's pray together. 

Heavenly Father, we do praise you for the gift of Jesus and for this very practical little letter that describes how two brothers in the Lord could be reconciled. We pray, Father, that wherever that's needed in in our own lives, Lord, you would do a work. Change us, restore us, renew us. Do this by the power of your Spirit, through the power of your cross. In Jesus’ name. Amen.